This blog contains material I wrote and posted on between the years 2005 and 2011 only. It does not contain any new material. For newer writing, please check my main blog (Bill the Butcher).

Saturday, 24 November 2012

The Mugu and I

My first attempt at scambaiting began like this:

Hello dear,
My name is Cherish Boma. My hobbies are reading, music, watching of movies and playing of basketball. I was impressed when i saw your profile and will like to discuss important matter with you and as well as establish a long lasting relationship with you. In addition, please kindly contact me direct with my e-mail address: ( Waiting to hear from you soonest. With love. Miss Cherish.

Operating on the assumption that these people are not too bright, and inspired by scambaiting sites like this, I created a fake identity (Brian James Kharmawphlang) and an e-mail ID to go with it. From there, I mailed this scamming bitch (let’s assume it’s a woman till we know different) as follows:

Hi, Cherish.


This is Brian. Thank you for your personal message to my social network account (you’ll notice I didn’t say which social network. Think the stupid bitch will notice that, or the fact that, as far as I know, she didn’t approach any Brian? Fat bloody chance…Bill).I’m a bit surprised that you came across me since you say you like Basketball and that is a game I have never played. Of course, our tastes in music and books might match.


Can you tell me a little bit about yourself? I’m keenly interested in knowing what important matter you want to discuss with me.


Please write to me at this e-mail and we can discuss further.


                                                                                       Brian J.

Here’s what I got today to the Brian Kharmawphlang ID. You see, the scammer didn’t remember who I was or on which site!

Hello Dear,
How are you today? Hope fine. Thanks for your mail through the site. I  will really like to have a good relationship with you, and i have a special reason why i decided to contact you. With due respect and equally with heartful of tears and since we have not known or met ourselves previously. Please i mean no harm to you only that i am in a desperate situation and need urgent help. After going through this mail it will be your decision whether to help me or to leave me to my faith.
but whatever you decide, bear in mind,i am in trouble and need your help. I am asking for your assistance after I have gone through a profile that speaks good of you  I will be so glad if you can allow and lead me to the right channel towards your assistance to my situation.I will make my proposal well known if I am given the opportunity. I would like to use this opportunity to introduce myself to you.
Anyway, i am Cherish Boma 23  years old girl,from Liberia one of the countries in West Africa. Am residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar as a result of the civil the only daughter of Dr Edward Boma.  My father is now late,he died during the last crisis in my country. He was one of the high officers standing against the leadership of formal president Charles Taylor who is now in exile after many innocent souls were killed.My father was unlucky to be among those that were killed by the rebels.
The main reason why I am contacting you now is to seek for your assistance in the area of my future investment and also for a help hand over of some huge amount of money in my possession. This money ($6.5 million Dollars) Six million five hundred thousand dollars was deposited some years ago by my father, he made me the sole beneficiary. Please, I am now asking you to stand on my behalf to make this claim to stand as my partner oversea and in time of the investment as well.
As I have mention earlier I will make the procedure to this issue to be well known to you if you give me the opportunity to do so. Please attach your direct contact information as you reply to me. via my e-mail address Thanks and remain bless
Miss Cherish.

And here are the photos she attached:


Getting a bit ahead of the game, aren’t we? She must think she can turn my head and get me to fall so far that I’m no longer capable of thought…by the way, does anyone know who the girl in the photos is? Some model or actress?

Incidentally, only $6.5 million? What does she take me for, a cheapskate? I’m worth scamming for at least $100 million…you’ll regret that insult, bitch.

So here’s my answer, sent today. I’ll keep you entertained and I may ask for volunteers to help me carry on the scam. I may have to create a “church elder” or “lawyer” to complicate things for this little crook, and writing styles differ. Anyone?

Dear Cherish


I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to your dear father. I used to see scenes of the terrible civil war in Liberia on TV, or was it Sierra Leone? Well, one of those West African places where people went around chopping other peoples’ hands off. Horrible. I hope nothing like that ever happened to any of your family? (barring your father of course, but let’s not go there…) You’re a very lovely woman, and it makes my heart break even more thinking of you left to your faith. I want to rescue you from your faith.



I’ll tell you a little about myself. I am now a staunch member, albeit only a lay one, of the Church of the United Profound Sepulchre (CUPS). We are a holy organisation that – apart from praising the Lord at least once in every minute, it’s a duty with us - arranges help for those of us who are in less fortunate circumstances. Presently I am a lay member, but I hope to assume Holy Orders in the next six months. Are you a member in good standing of a Church, dear? Which? Praise the Lord!


Unfortunately, I have seen something of war myself. I am a churchman now, but I was once a squad commander of the Communist rebel movement the Peoples’ Insurrection for a Socialist Society. I spent eight years in the jungle, fighting, and I attach a photo of myself during that period. I am the one in the lead, it was taken just before my surrender. During my time in the jungles I killed thirteen men, my dear. It is a terrible thing. I still hear their screams…anyway, I surrendered to a social movement designed to help those like me who wished to give up arms and turn to the Lord (Praise him!). This social movement is called Society’s Hand In  Transformation. I’m sure you heard of it. It was active during the period of Civil War in Liberia or Sierra Leone or something like that…I think it was Liberia. Did you come across any of those wonderful people?


I will help you in any way I can.


                                                                                      Brian James.


What do you think are the odds this moron answers back? Do you think she’ll swallow CUPS, not to mention PISS, SHIT and the photo of the Khmer Rouge troops I attached?

Going by the rubbish these mugus swallowed here, I’m afraid she shall.

I despair for the IQ levels of my fellow humans. They aren’t humans, they’re humus. 


Well, well, what d’you know. The stupid mugu swallowed CUPS full of PISS and SHIT. I think this is going to be a classic.

Well, here is what she wrote. (From now on, what she wrote will be initalics; what I wrote to her – as Brian – in bold type; and anycollaborators I  choose to bring in will have their contributionsunderlined.)

 Hello dear,

How are you today? Hope by his grace you are fine.Thank you for your quick response. I am very much happy today reading your mail and knowing you have accept Christ as your Lord and Savior (what the hell? When did I even mention Christ? All I said was CUPS and praised the Lord. I kept poor Christ out of it!...Bill) gives me greatest happiness for me i am a member of pray warriors in the Church here in refugee camp.I really do not know how to express my happiness this morning but i just want to say a big thanks. I really appreciate your concern, my prayer is for God to grant me my pursuance.

Presently i am residing here in Senegal where i am seeking my political asylum as a refugee due to the crisis in my country. Secondly i want to relocate with you to further my education and also start up a good business venture that will be profit oriented. Please you can contact me on this telephone number 00221-763494077. It belongs to our Reverend father in the church so when you call just ask of me.

I am unable to access this money because of my political status as a refugee and because i want a capable hands who can help me invest the money in a good and profitable business.The only problem i have is to get someone who i will trust and who will be willing to help me retrieve this money back,not someone who will betray me once this money comes to his possession.All i need is someone who will take good care of me and manager my inheritance for me .But from your mail,i understand that you are a very responsible person with a very good heart so that is the reason why i decided to confide in you.. I have the deposit certificate and the account number of my late father plus his death certificate, everything concerning this transaction is clear.

I will like you to first make contact with the bank where this fund have been deposited, let us hear from them before any other thing will be done, it is due to the trust i have in you that made me to disclose this matter with you, believing that i am save in your hand, no body knows what i have and where i am, please i asking you for my safety and security keep it very private OK, i know that God will see us through.

I am looking for a foreign partner because i was advised by the bank to nominate a fund trustee that will sign the release order,and for the fact that i resorted to get this fund invested in a more civilized and developed world like your country (hell, I didn’t even mention WHICH country! How does she know I'm not in...say, Afghanistan?...Bill) due to the political instability here in our cruel continent.I feel that you can handle this for me and help me manage this fund while i will continue my education there when i come over.So you need not to be afraid of anything as the bank has promised to give us a back up papers that after the transfer,no government or body will ask questions as the fund. (Oh really? A certificate from the Lord, perhaps?...Bill)

Once i get you well, i will send the bank contact details to you, so that from there you will make contact with them concerning the account and find out the possibility of transferring this fund into your position OK, i really appreciate your concern, waiting for your urgent response so that we can proceed. 

From your story i hope that you have experienced and understand what war is all about but i thank God that you have given your life to Christ. honestly,is not easy with me here but in my present situation,i have no option that to put my trust in you hoping that you  will help me secure my life and inheritance.

Honestly,i am living a miserable life here and it's becoming unbearable to me,i find it very difficult to feed two times a day since the camp authority do not care as they should. I only encourage myself anytime i remember this money that was left for me by my late father.Dear,you are God sent to me now,you are my only hope and my Savior if only you can believe my story,trust and help me,i need your unconditional assistance in this process please.

Please send me your contact address and phone number so that i can use it to write a letter of nomination to the bank so that when you contact the bank, they will know of a truth that you are coming on my behalf.
Best Regard,

OK. Notice how suddenly she became a raving Christian as soon as she thought I was one. So this is what I replied.

My dear Cherish

Thank you so much for your letter. It makes me even more concerned for your health to know that you can’t even find food to eat twice a day. It reminds me of some women I used to know who deliberately starved themselves to make themselves thin, maybe I should tell them of you.

I did mention the organisation to whom I surrendered, did I not? Society’s Hand in Transformation. Usually we call it the Hand. When I surrendered some years ago they offered me a job. However, I had decided to devote my life to religion, praise the Lord, and so I turned down the Hand job. (I still don’t know whether I did right, since after that I have not found any regular job, Hand or otherwise.) Well, I did say they were active in West Africa and I believe that they still have offices in the region. I still know many of the Hand people and if you so desire I can contact them and ask them to provide you proper food and maybe even for a short period they can find you a place to stay. Are you alone there? Have you proper clothing and shoes? What are your living arrangements like? What about your mother? Any brothers and sisters? Let me know these things and I shall pass them on, and then they will contact you and you can talk to the Hand.

Since you said the money is in a bank but you can’t access it due to your position as a political refugee, I assume the money is in a bank outside Liberia, is it? I really don’t understand financial dealings too well, my dear. My life in the jungle taught me to kill and my life outside the jungle taught me to praise the Lord, but you shall have to take me through the financial process step by step and teach me everything. I’m sorry if I seem stupid to you, but there it is.

I cannot call you because towards the end of my career as a guerrilla, I was badly injured by a bomb. Praise the Lord, I recovered completely except for my poor ears. I can hear things only with difficulty and I have no use for a telephone at all. As for my address, I now live in a home provided me by CUPS. If you wish to come over to me, I suppose you will have to share that home. It’s small but not too uncomfortable.

Please let me  know something more about the money and what you wish me to do so as to get it and then what you wish me to do with it.

In the meantime, please take great care of that lovely body of yours. The pictures were taken at the refugee camp is it?

Please call me BJ. Everyone calls me BJ. And don't forget to send me the address of the refugee camp and your details for the Hand.


Wonder if she’ll panic at the thought of a Hand job? How’s she going to wriggle out of that one, I wonder!

Stay tuned.


Victory number 1. I get her calling me BJ – and she still doesn’t get it yet that I’m faking.

Stupid mugu. 

Anyway, here goes. This is what I got today: 

Good day my dearest BJ.

How are you today and life over there,i am hoping and praying that you are ok and in the best of health which is the most important thing in life my dear.

I am so much happy reading your mail and what makes me happy mostly is that i am dealing with someone who know the condition i am into and who also knows and believes in God.From your mail which i have read over and over again,i understand perfectly that you are a true child of God and you have the fear and love of God and above all love for your fellow human being which is the greatest commandment of God.Honestly i am so happy and my pray is that God will use you to bring me out of this ugly situations here.

My dearest,like i said before,life is not easy with me but my believe and hope is that things will be ok in the nearest future.The most important thing to me now is to secure my inheritance in a hand of good person like you where i can have access to it.Like i told you,i do not have access to the money because of the way my late father made the deposit and the money in question is not even in Africa here.My late father deposited the money outside African for security purpose.

Actually,you already told me about the Society Hand in Transformation but i dont know about them and i do not even want to involve them in this (I can believe you don’t, bitch. I wonder how much time you spent thinking up a plausible sounding way of skating out of that trap? Hours, going by your IQ..Bill) .Like i said before,my main problem now is to get somebody like you who can be trusted and he will stand as my foreign partner so that the money can be transfered to his account.I have being talking with the bank and the bank told me that i need a foreign partner since my refugee status cannot allow me to make the cliam alone and for the fact that i want the money to be invested in a good busness country like your country(As to which country, she still doesn’t have a clue. See below, in my reply, for what I sprang on her. The poor mugu...Bill).

So what i am trying to say is that you do not need to tell anybody or society about me because if you do and i have to go there or contact them,they will start to ask me so many questions and maybe by so doing it will get to the ears of my country Liberia and they may start asking about my inheritance and maybe that i should transfer it back to my country.Please i want you to keep this between the both of us.If there is any help you can offer me,you do it directly yourself and not involving oraganisation or association for my security reason and the security of the money also because i do not want that the govermnent of my country will know about the money as it can lead to ceasure since my late father is no more.

Like i told you,i am at the camp and staying in female hostel.I am not alone or in my own private place.So i am at the hostel.I actually do not have many cloths but like i said before,all these are not my problem now but on how to get my inheritance and leave here for good.As i speak with you now,i have neither brother nor any sister and no mother also as all of them where killed one day.This is a very painful story i do not wish to narrate now untill i can be able to get settled down.Please i do not want to talk more on that now but all you should know is that i am the only surviving person in my family now and i cannot even go back to my country for fear that i might be hurt or killed even. (Did you notice that she only mentioned her dad before? Now when I ask, suddenly she discovers that her entire family was massacred on the same day. How convenient...Bill)

Like i said,th money is in the bank and outside Liberia.All you need to do is to contact the bank after i send a letter of introduction in your name.You will tell the bank that you are my foreign partner as well as my caretaker and that they should tell you the possibility of transfering the money to your account in your country.I already told the bank that i am looking for a foreign partner and the manager has assured to help and see that they money will be transfered sucessfully.

My dear,i can really understand your postion in this but you need not to be afraid as everything will be done legally.You we need to do is to follow the bank's instructions so that the money will be transfered to your account and when this is done,you can them send some money to me so that i can process my travelling papers and come over.

As to the investing the money,i am not there but i guess you will know good business or investment where the money could be invested on.That we are going to discuse when i come over but the main thing now is to get the money transfered to your account.

I am so sorry you cannot speak on phone but i thank God that you are ok atleast.We should give him thanks for he said we should give thanks in any condition we find ourselves.

Please like i said,you have to keep everything between the both of us and if there is any you can offer to me as regarding my feeings now,do but if there is nothing you can do,dont bother yourself about that but lets try and get the money first from the bank so that i can leave here and come over to you.

Please take very good care of yourself and do not forget to send the informations i asked you before so that i can write introduction letter to the bank before you could contact them first.As soon as i get the informations,i will forward the bank contacts to you so that you can contact them yourself.

Have a great and lovely day my dear.May the peace of our Lord Jesus be with you always and guide you as you work for him.

I think Mike is right, this is not just one person. The standard of English is different from that of the first letter. Maybe she called in someone who’s a mite more literate, but not enough to know what a Hand Job is.

Right, you bitch, chew on this:

Cherish, my dear...

It’s very painful for me to hear what has happened to the rest of your family (all on one day too! It reminds me of what happened to mine), and I don’t wish to raise bad memories for you. I do also understand if you do not wish to  talk to the Hand, though I can assure you it is highly discreet and reputable in its work, which also saved me when I was in need. I am only able to write to you, my dear, because the Lord (praise him!) saw fit to save me through the Hand. But that is all right – I’m sure the Lord will help you and me to sort things out without any Hand carrying on. 

But I did not understand, my dear, precisely what you need from me for your bank. Is it my address? I already told you that I do not have a telephone, as you know. My address is also under the CUPS. I hope that will not be a problem? The CUPS will know it if I receive mail from abroad. Will that be a problem? Or will you correspond with me by e-mail? I need to know because I do not want your money jeopardised. You seem to be very concerned that the authorities in Liberia don’t get to know of the whereabouts of the money. You say it is outside Africa. Can you give me an idea where the money is? 

As far as my address goes, it is this:

Brian James Kharmawphlang
69, NuD Colony
Church of the United Profound Sepulchre (CUPS)
Coaster Road
PostCode 8921000

About the bank transfer, what other details do you need? Please, I need your help in this because as I said I know nothing about finance. As for the investments, I believe that if you are interested, we could invest the money in robber plantations and tin mines. Robber and Tin, you know, are good exports even in the current international situation. Or perhaps would you prefer to invest in Iron Pyrates? I’m sure you know that Pyrates are in the financial news these days as a growing stock. Let me know because I have to find out how to invest this and the best time to do the investment. The earlier the better.

About my feelings for you, I do hope that you will find out in good time just what I feel for you and what an absolute emotional thrill it gives me each time I find your mails in my inbox, and how much pleasure it gives me in replying to you. If the mails give so much pleasure now, when we only just know each other, can you imagine how much pleasure I shall find in them when we know each other better?
I would love it if you could send me more photos of you – as many as possible. I look forward to seeing more of you, as soon as possible.



I think the next episode will be due in a day or two. She’s swallowed the hook, all the way. 


Somehow I keep astonishing myself at the depths of stupidity to which even a mugu can sink. I mean…last time I told her I lived at 69 NuD Colony of CUPS on Coaster Road - in Myanmar for Dog's sake! - and I wanted to invest her money in Robber and Tin, not to mention that growing industry, Pyrates. Did that make the penny drop? What do YOU think?

Today’s massive, I mean, missive:

Dearest BJ
How are you again today.Hope you are sound in health.If so, thanks be to God. Dear as you can understand i am in pains here in this refugee camp,so i am on my knees to you please try to kindly bring out your mind and time to make sure you help me out of this pain.Now i will want you to kindly contact the bank where the money is let hear from them about how they can transfer the money because that is very important.I know it may be very hard for you to understand my condition but i think that it is better you contact the Bank so that you can see things yourself as you know that i am so young to handle this fund alone and because of  my refugee status that is why i need your help.I cant help myself but to put my hope on God and to pray that God will use  good man like you to help me out of this condition.I believe is the will of God and thats why He directed me to you and you also responded to my mail.Now i am ready to have you as my  partner and i am giving you the contact information's of the bank in London where my late father deposited the fund so that you can contact them on my behalf on how to transfer the fund to your account Please don't delay to contact the bank because i have also sent them mail that you are my trustee.

Honestly i am so much happy today reading from you again.It give me greatest joy that you are a goodman and you have understanding of life and what war is all about.
My dear,as i said before,though the Hand helped you alot as you already narrated to me but i would like that we keep this between the both of us.You know this is money matter and when it comes to money issue like this,people and actions changes.So please my dear,lets keep this between the both of us as the bank has assured to help and transfer the money lagally and successfully. (Oh, I'm sure you don't want any other person to have a whiff of this, do you? Someone who heard of Nigerian scams, for instance?)

Like you asked,what i need from you is to stand as my foreign partner to the bank and make the cliam.You will have to provide an account where the bank will transfer the money pending when i come over there we can then invest the money.As i earlier told you,i have talked to the bank and they are willing to transfer the money to your account and i am going to write the bank today with all these informations and tell them that you are my foreign partner and that they should transfer the money to your account when you contact them.I guess is clear to you now.

As to your address,the informaion you provided to me now is ok and i can understand of your phone problem.That is not a problem.All you need to do now is to write the bank and ask the bank the possiblity of transfering the money to you.Please all our contacts will be through email as i dont want anybody to know about this untill the transfer is done and i come over to you.

Yes my dear,i do not want the Liberian authourity to know about this money and thats why i said you should keep everything between the both of us untill i come over.

My dear,as to the investment,you are there and you will know better than me and the best place to invest the money.You are matured enough and you know the right thing.Personally,i have not being into business before but i know if we invest the money in a good business or investment,it will be giving is good profit
Here is there contact in-formations of the Bank.
Barclays Bank PLC. London.
Email (
Phone +44-702-403-9308
Fax    +44 7030109605.
Contct Person:Mr Maxwell Smith .

This is the account in-formations of the fund:

Depositor............Dr.Edward Boma
Next Of Kin ...........Miss Cherish Boma
Amount................. $6,500,000.00
Account number...........215/2155669985

Please just go ahead and contact the bank by email and whatever you arer discusing with them,please always let me know.
Thanks and take very good care of yourself for me.

I wonder if her Maxwell Smith, that eminent banker from the City of London, speaks any better English than she does? Here’s my response to her:

My dear Cherish

I e-mailed the bank at both addresses you provided. I shall let you know what they say as soon as they say it. (Any bets that the scammers won’t even wait till Monday to write back to me from the "bank e-mail"? The bank will remain open on weekends for them, will it?) I hope they will make things simple for me since I don’t know much about banking. I have an account in a bank here but that is all. I hope your Maxwell Smith is someone who has a lot of patience with people like me who have little knowledge of international finance. In fact all I know of international finance is that it’s in a bad, bad way these days. Like so many other things I could name.

As far as your life in the refugee camp goes, I would like to ask you to take care of your knees. Kneeling down all the time won’t be doing them a lot of good. Maybe if you feel you have to kneel to pray you might use a pillow or carpet or something. I know because constant kneeling gave me a case of housemaid’s knee once. It’s as bad as tennis elbow and even worse than Yesman’s Syndrome, which affects the flexion muscles of the neck. Anyway, take care of yourself and I’m eager for more photos of you. 

I will let you know what the Barclay’s Bank says. After that we can plan about the transfer. Hope the refugee camp stays all right till then.

I’m glad, incidentally, that although the camp is in such a bad way you do have internet access. I did not think it was possible in most camps.

With regards, and, as usual, looking forward to your mails with excitement and pleasure -


If she fell for Hand Job and Robber and Pyrates she'll swallow Yesman's Syndrome too.


Ah, now  we’re getting down to the nitty-gritty. This is the first serious move to get on with getting my money.

From the “Bank” part of the scammer team, which although one of the world’s top banks apparently can’t handle the English language:

Barclays Bank Plc London. 
35 Kingsway City of
London Wc2b6tp
England,United Kingdom.
Tel:00 44 7024039308.
Fax:00 44 7030109605.
Swift: Barc GB 22
Iban Gb21 Barc 2032 5360 2371 40.

         Fund Deposit No:FFC2528/IDBS/457/#/SFC/2000 Refers.
I have been directed by the Director, International Payment Office/Telex Services Dept, to write you having perfectly gone through your payment file and the information submitted for verifications and necessary approvals as advised by our Legal Services Department.
Actually,we have earlier been told about you by the young lady Miss Cherish Boma, that she wishes you to be her Trustee/Representative for the claim of her late father's deposit with our bank.
Dr.Edward Boma,was however our late customer who deposited in an Escrow account with our bank the sum of US$6.500,000.00 in name of Miss Cherish Boma,as Next of Kin.Hence you have been nominated by the said Next of Kin,Miss Cherish Boma,as a trustee to receive the money on her behalf,all we need to do is to act on her behalf to transfer the money into the bank account which you will have to provide.
However, before our bank will give value to the fund in your favour as an appointed trustee,cum Mandate Beneficiary, we will like you to send the following documents to our bank:
1.A power of attorney permitting you to claim and transfer the fund to your bank account on Cherish Boma's behalf.This document must be endorsed by a Senegalese lawyer and chief Probate Officer of the High Court of Justice.
2.An affidavit of oath from the senegalese High Court,must be endorsed by a Senegalese lawyer and chief Probate Officer of the High Court of Justice.

3.The death certificate of (Her deceased father) confirming the death.
4.Letter of probate from the High Court of Justice in Senegal where Miss Cherish Boma is residing,must be endorsed by a Senegalese lawyer and signed by the beneficiary of the said account.
You are advise either to fly down to Senegal to arrange an attorney or you simple ask your partner to get an attorney for you to procure all these documents urgently to enable us effect transfer of the fund as she had earlier requested us to assist her as soon as you contact us.
Note: The above requirements are compulsory,and are needed to protect our interest,yours,and the next of kin after the claims. hese shall also ensure that a smooth, quick and successful transfer of the fund is made.On receipts of the above documents/informations,we shall verify them and as soon as we are satisfy,we shall process your claim and effect the transfer within 72hours upon the receipt/submittion of the required documents to us.
We promise to give our customers the best of our services.
Kindly confirm receipt of this mail for our records.
Yours Faithfully,
For:Barclays Bank Plc,London.
Mr.Maxwell Smith..
Senior Manager - FTA International/International Remittance Department

OK, so here’s how it works. Now the “Cherish Boma” part of the scammer team will say she can arrange all the documents – if I can send her money for the lawyers etc. Meanwhile, of course, more and more problems will come up so that whatever I do the money just won’t suffice...
Here’s what I wrote back to the “Bank”.

Dear Mr Smith

Thank you very much for your most illuminating missive pertaining to the documentary arrangements we will have to make to achieve the financial transfer we have discussed in our previous letters. I am a little bit surprised though that you should not have already got the documents from Ms Boma. I shall be contacting her to request her to arrange them. Thank you.

                                                              BJ Kharmawphlang

Meanwhile, here’s what Dear Cherish has to tell me:

Dearest BJ,
How are u today?,I hope by his grace you are fine.if so groly be to almighty. Dear am very happy reading from you and to known that you have contact the bank gives me a lot of joy. I dont know what i could have done without you.thank you so much for all you effort to help my out of this hell. I pray the bank replies you on time so that they can start the transfer because i cant wait to meet with you face to face. Dear as for the internet we do not have internet here in camp am writing you from cafer but for today am mailing you from our Reverends office.
Thanks very very much for all the efforts you are putting to see that this goes fast.I have seen the mail bank sent me and i can understand that we need lawyer to help us and get all the documesnts the bank asked.
Presently i have no lawyer but i will ask our reverend at the camp to help me and get good lawyer who will assist us get the documents as the bank requested.Please i shall write you back as soon as i see a lawyer.I understand the bank wants everything to be done legally and i pray it will work fine.
Please have a nice day as i look for the lawyer and get back to you.

Seems to have forgotten about the photo I asked for, didn’t she? I’ll throw in a reminder next time.

I think it’s time I introduced complications that will unfortunately prevent me from sending money for now, and yes, Frank, there will be kids. In fact here is the kid (I stole the photos from this page of the Ebola Monkey Man’s scambaiting site):

Hi, Cherish.

Yes, I am glad things are going well. I could not log on for three days as we are trying to sort out a complicated problem here, an emergency of sorts. I think it will take a lot of effort to solve.

You see, we do a lot of charity and social work here at CUPS, and we have a lot of people who have no other way of making a living being helped by us during their darkest (well, worst. “Darkest” sounds racist, does it not?) days. Well, I got a call from an old friend from my rebel days who surrendered shortly after I did. He told me (speaking through someone answering the phone from this end, of course, since I can’t use the phone) that there was a child in bad health and being neglected in a village up north. I went there to check and he showed me the child, whose photos I attach. You see how he was abused and taught to smoke the local cigarette, “wiid”. 
His heart is in very bad shape and even his liver is damaged from drinking the local wine called “buuz”. The father had abandoned him and his mother is addicted, to heroine, lollobrigida and bardot. I had to take him away from her forcibly and the last I saw of her, she was looking for a fix for her tautou craving. The boy needs deaddiction and probably extensive medical treatment including surgery. The mother I am afraid may try to launch legal proceedings to stop us taking him, even though she spends her time in a frankapotente haze.

Let me handle this and I hope you have no problem over the documents.


Now I’m sure this isn’t one person. The current version of “Cherish Boma” seems to have forgotten the details I fed the earlier version, and besides she’s speaking worse English again and no longer calling me “BJ”. Also she’s dropped the in-your-face-Christianity. Only one, passing, reference to god. I guess they take it in turns, one goes on vacation with money made from their victims while  the other takes over for a while.

Hello My Darling
How is the day and how do you feel hope fine.i appreciated every thing and the way you are handling this transfer of my money to your position waiting my arrival to meet with you to start a new life.God will bless and reward you and your family for taking good care of an orphan and i will equally pay you back your kindness and good as well. Dear now l have with me every other documents which i will give to the lawyer when he agrees to help us so he can send them to you, It is now remaining the Power of Attorney and Affidavit of Oath which the Bank said that the legal documents must be get here in Senegal since i am presently resident in Senegal Dakar.This was a big problem at first when i read the Bank mail but i thank God that i have found a lawyer through help of rev father Mike,He said it is difficult to help a refugee due to alot are very complicate,He however said if he has to help us we have to be straight forward to him and we have to meet with his demands, Darling this is the only problem we have now and you know without this power of attorney and the affidavit of oat which the bank said that it will be issued and sign by a Senegalese lawyer,it will be impossible.after receiving mail from the bank,I was a bit confused because i did not know any lawyer here beside i am a foreigner so i discussed this issued with the Rev father who gave to me the contact of this lawyer Barrister Brian Sylvester. He is one of the lawyers working with the united nations here in Dakar Senegal. I will want you to contact him through email telling him that you are my foreign partner that you need his services to obtain an affidavit of oat from federal high court of Senegal and as well prepare a power of attorney that will enable you transfer my late father money from the  Bank to your account on my behalf due to my refugee status and also don't forget to forward him what the bank send to you by email OK so that he will read and understand very well.
His contact information's are as follows,.
Barrister Brian Sylvester
Phone (00221-773601354
Phone (00221-771697566)
Email (
Brian Chambers & Associate.
i will stop hear till i hear from you soonest.
yours love .Cherish

Now I decided to muddy the waters further with some at-the-outset distrust for the lawyer. Incidentally, any idea why a lawyer called Brian Sylvester should have a French Yahoo e-mail address? Any idea why a Liberian called Cherish Boma should have a Spanish Yahoo e-mail address? Assuming they were legit, of course?

Cherish, my love

Today we had a bit of trouble with little Enrico (that is his name, Enrico Caruso). We had to take him for a doctor’s consultation, after he began to tenor. The doctor said he is suffering from acute inflammation of DiCaprio’s Gland. It will probably mean surgery to remove his winslet. We are all rather worried about this, because at his age this surgery is titanic.

I think you must have forgotten some of the things I explained, so let me just go over them again. I have no family any more, just like you. I live in a house provided to me by the Church of the United Profound Sepulchre. Also, Enrico is not an orphan. As far as I know, his parents are both alive, though I only know for sure about his mom, who, as I told you, is addicted to the drug hilaryswank, among others. 

I will keep you informed about the progress made by Enrico if you’re interested. It worries us a lot as our own finances will have to go to pay his medical bills. Well the Lord (praise him!) will find a way. Don’t you think so?

I will be contacting your lawyer. But I have some doubts about him. Are you sure he is absolutely to be trusted? I remember how you were anxious about keeping your money secret and so you did not wish to take any help from the Hand. But I know the Hand, and here we have this lawyer whom nobody knows directly. I hope he is not going to cause unnecessary problems in making the affidavit of oat. If there are problems let me know if I should approach a lawyer at this end for another affidavit of oat. I can arrange as much oats here as the Senegalese legal system can consume. 

I’m still waiting for those photos you promised to scan and send me. Please send me them soon...I want to see more of you, as much more of you as possible.


I strongly suspect tonight’s e-mail will have a list of reasons saying why I should not contact a lawyer at my end and explaining what a nice man Brian Sylvester is.


Now I did say that there would now be movements, did I not? Here we go:

The first bit is from the “lawyer.” I’ll keep Ms Cherish Boma for later, hold your impatience for the moment...

Solicitors & Advocates,
No 41 Avenue Blise Diange (2nd floor)
Dakar Senegal.
Our Ref: JLC/01841

Your Ref: LMC/0849

Date: 18/12/2008

Our Ref: Legal Assistance

For the attention of 
Mr.BJ Kharmawphlang


 Miss Cherish Boma already told me your relationship with her and your efforts to help her secure her inheritance from the bank.

Therefore I write to inform you that this law firm Brian sylvester chamber Dakar Senegal,have duly accepted  to solicit on you and your partner's behalf in this transaction and also to procure all the necessary documents needed to back up and actualize the release of this fund from Barclays Bank Plc London to your nominated bank account.

I have written officially to the bank and i shall call to speak with the Bank Director Mr.Maxwell Smith tommorrow to introdunce my law firm as the law firm soliciting on behalf of the parties,for the actualizlation of this transaction.

Therefore,you are adviced to forward your full contact informations such as;

I.Your full names as it will appear on the documents

2.Full contacts address

3.Direct phone and fax numbers for easier communication.

 I shall reach you back respectively with the outcome of my communications with the bank and the requirements to secure the documents from the court as instructed by the bank

Yours in Service
Barrister Brian Sylvester
(Principle Attorney)
0022177360 1354/00221 77169 7566.
To which I replied as follows:
To Brian Sylvester Associates

Your Ref: JLC/01841

My name: Brian James Kharmawphlang
My address: 69 NuD Colony
Church of the United Profound Sepulchre (CUPS)
Coaster Road
As I informed Ms Boma, as a result of injuries suffered during a period of my life spent as a member of a rebel militia, I am unable to hear well enough to use the phone. Also I do not have a fax machine. Ms Boma has advised me to keep this transaction secret from the authorities, due to which I am not using any public fax.

You can confirm this information from Ms Boma herself at your own convenience.

                                                                                          BJ Kharmawphlang

OK, so here we come to Ms Boma, who has promptly reverted to the Jesus spouting, BJ-loving, less-awful English speaking version. I think these scammers were worried that I might be catching on. There must have been a panicky recall of someone from a completely unearned vacation...
Dearest BJ

How is life over there?, i hope the almighty is at work if so glory be to his name. How is the little Enrico?; hope and pray he gets better. Dear am sorry to reminding you of your lost family please forgive me. honey you shouldn't border about the lawyer because his also a christian and all he has to do is to get us the documents as the bank demanded. he real touched when i told him the whole story and he is ready to help us and get the document. Dear i have even write the bank and asked them why the documents is needed and they told that it will permitting you to claim and transfer the fund to your bank account on my behalf and the reason why it must be endorsed by a Senegalese lawyer is to enable me to sign the documents since am living in Senegal here. Now all you have to do is to contact the lawyer and know how and when the document will be ready for the bank to transfer the money into your account because i cant wait to meet with you and start a new. life. Please take care of your self and Enrico for me. I will stop here and be waiting to here from you. I love you but Jesus loves you more

Yours Cherish.
You’ll notice the photos are of the same woman (women?) as before, in the same clothes, each set of photos taken probably together. I’m introducing the church elder, the Bishop IM Afarter, here. If these mugus don’t catch on, Bishop Afarter will be a major player in his own right. Well? Volunteers for the role of the good Bishop?
Dear Cherish

I hope you’re fine. Are your knees all right now? I was worried about them. With all the kneeling you must be doing, they must be in a bad state. I suggest you apply ice packs to them. If you can’t find ice in the refugee camp a piece of cold liver should do. The worst knee pain can be helped by liver applied to it. It is called the liver for the worst therapy, or Liverwurst.

Talking about kneeling, we had a special service today in order to pray to the Lord (praise him) for Enrico. We all gathered together to pray for a sign to be given to us to know what we should do and where we should go to find the money for his treatment. I wish you had been there, you would have been moved as we all were moved to our very bowels by the spirits that were within us. Some people came from a long distance, including the political leader A Rousal. Yes, you should have seen everyone there, chanting the praise of the Lord. Then we all went down on our knees for a holy Mass Fellatio, at the end of which we ejaculated together the name of the Lord.

My church elder and I were talking later. He is an older man, very strict and old-fashioned, named Ian Michael Afarter. Bishop (our church elders are called Bishops but have nothing to do with Catholic Bishops) Afarter was talking about my intention of joining the Church after a few months. I hope this is not a problem for you, but while we of the CUPS are not condemned to a life of celibacy, we are barred from formal marriage. I hope you are willing to live with me under those conditions. Bishop Afarter said this custom is designed to stop us from developing unhealthy familial attachments, and was promulgated at the Congress of Livein.

I hope you are right about Mr Sylvester. I replied to him, but I simply don’t know why he can’t have a law firm website like so many do.

You are looking extremely good in the photos. Where were they taken, in the camp? I want to see more of you, as much more of you as you’re willing to show of yourself.


While I was writing this reply, I got this following mail from the “Barclay’s Bank” part of the scammer team:

Barclays Bank Plc London.
35 Kingsway City of
London Wc2b6tp
,United Kingdom.
Tel:00 44 7024039308.
Fax:00 44 7030109605.
Swift: Barc GB 22
Iban Gb21 Barc 2032 5360 2371 40.
         Fund Deposit No:FFC2528/IDBS/457/#/SFC/2000 Refers.
This is to acknowledge the reciept of your mail.The documents is to empower us from the beneficiary to effect the transfer of her late father's deposited fund to your account as a co-beneficiary hence Dr.Edward Boma who made the deposit is no more alive
Without the legal documents  processed in your name,there is no way the bank will effect the transfer of the fund to your account.
Note:We got a call today and an official introduction letter from your attorney in Senegal,Barrister Brian Sylvester that he is the one going to process all the documents needed to back up and actulize the release of this fund in your name and the bank has given him go ahead order.
Therefore,the earlier the documents are processed in your name as the legal trustee to Miss.Cherish Boma,the faster the transfer of the fund shall carried out.
Yours Faithfully,
For:Barclays Bank Plc,London.
Mr.Maxwell Smith..
Senior Manager - FTA International/International Remittance Department

You’ll notice that the bank apparently received confirmation from “Brian Sylvester” that he would be acting for me before I even sent him the details of my address, etc. So I replied:

Thank you for this reply, Mr Maxwell Smith. Since mails from this end to accounts fail regularly it would be more convenient if you let me know your contact page on the Barclay’s Bank  website so I could contact you through that.   

                                                  BJ Kharmawphlang


Yes!!! Not only do we have the first overt demand for cash, but we have a name!

Let’s get to the lawyer first, since he will be the money-demanding part of the team.

BRAN SYLVESTER (Bran Sylvester? Can’t these morons even keep their own names straight?) ASSOCIATES
Solicitors & Advocates,
No 41 Avenue Blise Diange (2nd floor)
Dakar Senegal..
Our Ref: JLC/01841

Your Ref: LMC/0849

Date: 19/12/2008

Our Ref: Legal Assistance

For the attention of Mr.Brian James Kharmawphlang.


In compliance with your forwarded informations,I wish to inform you that after due confirmations from the bank,of the true existence of the money,its legitimacy and enquires from appropriate quarters about the needful for successful completion of the transfer process, that I hereby accept to dutifully handle the case.

Prior to my communication with the bank,I understand from the Barclays Bank transfer director Mr.Maxwell Smith that the actual credit balance at the moment is US$6,500 000.00.

The Director also mentioned that you have already contacted them and they are expecting you get back to them soonest for further transfer of the fund to your country.

1.I shall be drafting a tentative power of attorney/agreement based on the informations you forwarded and Miss Cherish Boma's request and information on my chambers letter head paper with the signature of parties involved.

2.After due consultations from Dakar High Court, I understand that it will officially cost the sum 2,950 Euros to  obtain the affidavit of oath as well as to legalize the power of attorney at the court.
The payment receipt would be tendered to the High Court before the power of attorney/affidavit of support is notarised.
You should arrange and send the 2950 Euros.(Two thousand Nine hundred and fifty Euros only) to enable me commence and conclude actions on the authentication of the power of attorney/agreement in the  Federal High Court.

Miss Cherish Boma is a guarantee to me, therefore you should pay my legal fees of 1250 Euros within ten banking days after receipt of the fund (US$6,500 000:00) in your bank account as customary in legal services in my country.

While you should arrange and only send now the government levy of 2950 Euros.(Two thousand Nine hundred and fifty Euros only) to enable me commence and conclude actions on the authentication of the power of attorney/Affidavit of Oath in the Federal High Court of Justice here.

Only what you have to pay now is the fees to get the documents which is...2950 Euros to enable me proceed to procuring the documents.

The fastest way i can recieve the payment is through Western Union money transfer with the informations below:

Name: Brain Sylvester
Address: No 41 Avenue Blise Diange,Dakar senegal.

Or you can make the payment through this below account:

BANK NAME=  Compagnie Bancaire de l'Afrique Occidentale
ACCOUNT NO=  34156127101

You need to understand that it is impossible to get all the needed documents without tendering the receipt of the fees 2950 Euros to the federal High Court.

Yours in Service
Barrister Brain Sylvester
(Principle Attorney)
+22177 360  1354 or 221 77169 7566.

Now he’s BRAIN Sylvester. A genius of stupendous proportions, isn’t he? If UGWUNNA EMMANUEL MEJEH isn’t his real name, it’s at least a name under which he’s opened an account at the bank. I shall play around a bit with this too in time to come. But how stupid does Mr Brain (sic) Sylvester think I am? Time to get a little irritable.

Dear Mr Brain Sylvester

I read your mail with interest. I have a question as to why I should send the money in the name of a completely unknown person instead of to your own account. As a law firm you must have an account of your own. Please do clarify my doubts about this. 

As to the funds, I shall need to arrange them, which is going to take some time. That amount you mention is not something that I can lay hands on just like that, and I shall have to find someone to, as they say, “furnish me”. I shall discuss this with Ms Boma.

I see you work on weekends. I strongly approve of this practice. Whenever I get arrested, usually after a bout of pastafarianism (a disease from which I suffer, caused by once eating infected bran mash, but which leads to occasionally bizarre behaviour) I find it very difficult to raise bail if it happens on a weekend.

                           BJ Kharmawphlang

Now the bank. You remember I wanted a link from the bank website to contact these people directly. 

Barclays Bank Plc London.
35 Kingsway City of
London Wc2b6tp
England,United Kingdom.
Tel:00 44 7024039308.
Fax:00 44 7030109605.
Swift: Barc GB 22
Iban Gb21 Barc 2032 5360 2371 40.

         Fund Deposit No:FFC2528/IDBS/457/#/SFC/2000 Refers.

You can as well get in contact with us in  this mail also (

Be informed we can only process your payment on recieval of the metioned documents.

Yours Faithfully,
For:Barclays Bank Plc,London.
Mr.Maxwell Smith..
Senior Manager - FTA International/International Remittance Department

I want to play these bastards along too. What do they take me for? inMail24, indeed.

Thank you, sir, for your response. I will accordingly continue to mail this account, and if it fails I shall mail to your inMail24 account.
It is interesting that you work in Barclay’s Bank. An old friend of mine used to work for that bank, in its London office. He only left in August of this year to work for an investment bank in the US, where he’s doing very well. His name is Richard Tater, but everyone called him Big Dick. I’m sure you know Big Dick Tater, don’t you? Were you friends? If you want I shall drop him a line on your behalf mentioning you to him. I have his e-mail address. Would you like that?
Helpfully yours
                                        BJ Kharmawphlang.
And now for darling Cherish, who’s swallowed the ejaculation from the Mass Fellatio but obviously feels it’s time to put the screws on me:

Dear BJ
How are you hope fine?. I am happy to hear from you and that you have contact the lawyer, thank you so much for all you efforts and may the almighty God be with you. how about Enrico i hope he is geting better. please do all you can to make sure that this transfer goes fast. as i have puting my hope and trust in you for God to use you and help me out of this camp. please always update me when you hear from the lawyer. i could have write you more but my time is up. have a nice weekend.
Yours Cherish.

Right-ho, Cherish baby. Put your money where your mouth is...

Darling Cherish

I got a mail from Mr Brain Sylvester asking me to send him 2950 Euros for the court fees or something like that. This makes some problems for me because as you know I am not in a regular job and I do not have even a substantial part of that amount of money. As such I shall have to find it from somewhere. I suggest you pay Mr Brain Sylvester as much as you can of the money while I try to find the rest. As you know my personal funds are also going into Enrico’s treatment. Yesterday the doctor checked him again and said he definitely needs surgical intervention. At the least he must have a procedure to increase the size of his winslet. A kate must be put in. If that does not work then the entire winslet must be removed along with the billizane. This must be done very soon, because despite our titanic efforts Enrico is sinking fast.

Therefore as you see my money supplies are not sufficient. I suggest you pay Mr Brain Sylvester what you can, and, since you say he is such a nice man, ask him to wait just a little for the rest. I shall think where to raise the funds.

How are those beautiful knees of yours? I would love to see a photo of your knees. I love women with pretty knees.



In order to keep this simple, I’m going to post my reply to Cherish Boma incorporating the lawyer’s letter. Comments at the end.

First, from Dear Cherish, the sweet little thing:

Good evening my dearest BJ,
How are you today and work my dear? I am hoping and praying you are fine and in the best of health today?How about Erico and his condition.I am also praying and beliveing God for his healing upon him.Please send my greetings to him.
My dearest BJ,,i went to the lawyer as i told you and after explaining in details to the lawyer and that i am not doing anything here,he said he may help us depening on the type of help we need.He said for he,he cannot gaurantee to pay all the money to the court for us and there is noway the court will sign the documents if he did not pay to the authority incharge.He also said that you already wrote him back and said that you are going to discuse with me.I told him what you said also and he said he will help us but we have to tell him how much we can be able to raise now and if is what he can help,then he will help us and complete the balance and get the documents and we pay him the balance after the transfer.Please my dear,i do understand all that you said and all that Erico's condition is causing you but,please you have to tell me how much you can be able to raise so that i can continue pleading with him and know if he can help us complete and get the documents for us and we pay him the balance after the transfer.Honestly,i must seeing that God is working here because he first directed to me you and you are a good believer and now to the hand of the lawyer and he is also a good christian and a man with good understanding also.He has understanding and i know from his words that he is really ready to help in getting the documents done.Please try as much as you can to see that i come out of this condition.Truely is not eay with me here but there is nothing i can do but to believe God will help me through good person like you.I shall be expecting your mail.
Thanks and please do take very good care of yourself and Erico for me.

And here am I in reply:

Dear  Cherish

Before I go any further, let me first post this lawyer's letter to me.

Solicitors & Advocates,
No 41 Avenue Blise Diange (2nd floor)
Dakar Senegal..
Our Ref: JLC/01841

Your Ref: LMC/0849

Date: 22/12/2008

Our Ref: Legal Assistance

For the attention of Mr.Brian James Kharmawphlang.


You are not in a postion to decide or dictate for the account is should use rather you should be concerned on how i can process the needed documents in your name as the bank instructed.

As you said,get in touch with your partner and if you feel you can handle it yourself,you can as well fly down to Senegal here and you and your partner can go to the High Court Of Justice here and procure the documents.  

I have already given you options,is either you pay through Western Union Money Transfer or you send through the account given to enable me process the documents hence the Court here cannot sign the documents without the payment reciept from the Inland Revenue Authority in charge tendered to the Court  as evidence of payment

Yours in Service
Barrister Brain Sylvester
(Principle Attorney)
+22177 360  1354 or 221 77169 7566.

As you can see, he is extremely impertinent and rude. Also, you ought to know that he sent me the bank account details of a completely unknown person to which I should transfer the money. I really do not trust him at all.

I got angry, I admit it, when I read his reply. I sent him back this mail:

I do not see that you are in a position to say to me that I should or should not do anything. If you are going to take this line then I shall immediately cease all contacts with you and use the services of Society's Hand In Transformation to arrange another lawyer. I do not trust you.

If you feel that I shall send money to an unknown person's name you are sorely mistaken. I shall accordingly advise Ms Boma to cease all contact with you.                                                                                                                                              BJ Kharmawphlang                                                                                                                           

Now, I do actually not trust this man. I have only trusted him this far because you talked to him and he made a good impression on you. Now, however, I do suggest you see if any other lawyer is available. Otherwise I could ask the Hand office to find me a lawyer. The Hand does not need to know why I need a lawyer. They can just find me one. What do you say to that?

About the money. Now, the basic problem is that I have very little money, even without Enrico's treatment. I could not possibly send anything like that sum. I, however, could - if you give me permission - talk to Bishop Ian Michael Afarter, our CUPS elder whom I mentioned. Bishop Afarter can almost certainly help arrange money. Naturally he will have to know something about why the money is needed and the circumstances.

If at all you're agreed to my telling Bishop Afarter about us, let me know. He will probably contact you after that.

Today is Christmas. Next Christmas, what would you like to be doing at this moment, Cherish? I'm sure you're desperate for a change of circumstances from that refugee camp of yours, aren't you? Next Christmas you will be here and can plan to go jerkoff on a bukkake cruise, or possibly frig yourself if the circumstances are right. Or maybe we could arrange to have you decapitated. You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Now, since today is Christmas, I'm sure your camp will have held some kind of celebration. I'd love to see some of the photos of that celebration. I was at Mass (for Christmas we have Mass Histiria followed by a public eating -out)  and you should have seen the  atmosphere? People were literally baring their pudenda to the Spirit. Oh, Praise the Lord!

Enrico is stabilised slightly. I think the surgery is set for the end of the week, just after the New Year.

Love and best wishes


I am sure she’s going to leap at the chance of money – I’m still, you see, holding the door open to the lure of money. Since there’s not a chance she’s going to risk me contacting a real lawyer through SHIT, she’s either going to find another false lawyer or else “persuade” this one (the Brain) to “help us out”. Wonder which it’s going to be?


I rather neglected Dear Cherish after last time, but she wrote me. Three times! This is a composite of those three mails, which I replied to together.

Good day my dearest BJ,
How are you today and work my dear,i am hoping and praying you are fine and in good health?How about Erico,i am hoping he is fine too.I went to the lawyer as i told you and he was able to explian the account to me.He said that he was annoyed the way you asked him the question.He said that he is not stupid to give you account of unknow person as you said.He said that you are there and you do not know how many they are and how they work here.According to him,he said that account is the account they use in their chamber to collect any money that is coming outside Africa.That it takes a limited time to recieve any money from the account and that the account is in the name of one of the lawyers who owns the chamber.
After everything,he said he is still willing to assist because of me if we wished but if you say you do not trust him according to your mail,that we can as well look for another person we will trust.He said he is not forcing us and he has no interest in my inheritance but he wishes to help me since i have explained everything to him and is reverend that brought me to him.So this is the outcome of my meeting with him.
My dear,i wish here to thank you so much for all your efforts and willingness to assist me and i know if is the will of God that you help me,you will definetly help me but if is not the will of God,it can never be.Like i said,i do not see the lawyer as a bad person and since he is ready to help us,i am not in the postion to looking for another lawyer.I believe the hand of God is in this and like i told you before,i am not a senegalese and i do not wish to be going about looking for lawyers here and there as i do not know anybody and i do not wish to enter into the hands of bad person here.Please try and understand my fears and see how we can solve this peacefully.
Actually as i told you,i found him a good person from the way he reacted to me when i met him and as you should know,i am not a citizen of this country and i do not know anybody here.It was the reverend that directed me to him when i told him i needed a lawyer to advice me on certain issue concerning my past and present life and he directed me to him and said he will help me in any level i may need his assistance.Please lets not misunderstand each other here and lets this not be a problem.I have already explained everything to him and he has even contacted the bank and told the bank he is the one processing the documents.Asking me to look for another lawyer or you asking the HAND to look for lawyer as you said is not all that wise now since we have found one and he is even ready to help us.
Judging you do not trust him and i should look for another lawyer is making things somehow hard for us,how sure or trustworthy is another person going to be.I believe you may still not know the person or myself too to trust th person.Anyway,lets forge this and face what we have at hand which is getting the documents.You understand that the only thing we have with the lawyer now is nothing but getting the documents for us.Thats all.The money is not going to be transfered to his account rather to your account when he processed the documents in your name.
Coming to the money issue,i really do not know exactly the amount you have because i was hoping we could give the lawyer any one you have now but if you say you can ask the Bishop Ian Michael Afarter for a help,no problem.He is a man of God and even a bishop in that matter.I know he can even help in praying for us that everything will go well. Please you have to take very good care of yourself for me and my regards to Erico.


Time to offer IM Afarter up as bait…

Dear Cherish

Some things have happened which I must explain to you so that you will understand why I have been late replying.

The first was that on New Year’s Day we were raided by rebels (not of my old group). These were men of the Colostomy Corps, who are fighting for Colonic Irrigation of their lands. The government here neglects these people, and they have no water and no way of farming. So they took to arms.

Apart from taking most of the money from our cashbox at the church (not much, luckily) they did not do any damage. They did not take all the money because I was there at the time and I pleaded with them that we needed the money for Enrico’s winslet. So they left a bit, nowhere near enough but still better than looting everything. But after that the army came chasing them and there was a great deal of trouble because the army said that we at CUPS must have aided the Colostomy Corps and given them the money. They said many things and even depilated the Sacred Church. They have no shame. They were, in fact, much worse than the Colostomy Corps. They also said that because of my past I must have had connections to the rebels and so they did not take all the money. The Lord, praise him, will not forgive them.

After that they interrogated me for hours and still it was not over, they took the hard disc of our computers and I don’t know what they did but they only returned them today. Tomorrow I am to report to their headquarters for another round of questioning. It is possible that I may be arrested. They are like that.

I told you Enrico’s surgery was due at the end of the week? Well, of course now we have no money for it because the Corps got most of it and the army impounded the rest. Bishop Afarter is most upset. He intends to hold another fund raising drive, and is away at the capital trying to complain about the army and also finding some sources of money. Before he went I told him about you and your problem. He has other things on his mind, obviously, and he said he would think about it after returning. There was a lot of money in that cashbox, waiting for the banks to reopen so we could deposit all the donations from Christmas and New Year. I think the Bishop might be able to get enough money to fix Enrico’s surgery but I seriously doubt he could even begin to replace the rest that was to be used in setting up social services for a lot of people especially drug addicts in these parts, many of whom are addicted to truly horrible drugs like winonaryder. 

I wonder if you would be perhaps kind enough to offer some of your money, when we have it here, to the Bishop for his Church? I know he will pay you back when he has the funds, and even with interest if you want. If you offer it he will certainly take a greater interest in helping out with money – what’s left over after Enrico.

Thanks for clarifying about the lawyer. I hope he and I will be able to work together somehow. I’m sure Bishop Afarter will be talking to him as well.

You write to me and I’ll let the Bishop know after he returns (later this week). I hope the army won’t arrest me, but if they do it may take a few days before I am free.




Oh, so Dear Cherish has finer feelings as well! As if.

Good day my dearest BJ.

How are you today and work my dear,i am praying that God gives you sound health?Please i am very very sorry hearing this ugly story and i believe as you already said that both the rebels and the armies has no fear of God because if they have the fear of God,they would not tamper with the church money.They are both heartless but we leave everything in the hands of God for vengance is of the Lord.Honestly,i am very very sorry about this and i pray the will of God to happen.I strongly believe that Erico will survive this problem.
It may take time but i am certain that he will survive it.Please send my greetings to him and do not be afraid as the bible says,we should not be afriad of the enemy.The bible says they will come in one way but will scatter in seven ways.Just commit everything into the hands of God and his perfect wish will be done.
I pray that bishop will recover the money from the arms and they will not arrest you when you go there but even if they do,take it that you are doing the work of God.This is just a tempation that will pass soon.

As to the money you talked about,i will honestly be happy if the bishop will help and like i told you before,i am ready and willing to surport Erico and see he lives a good life when we get my inheritance and as to borrow money to Bishop,i am  having in mind that when i get my inheritance,i will give 10% of the money to the church for the development and expanssion of the gospel.With open heart,i am ready to loan to the bishop whatever he wants and also invest in the church if that will be wise.But for sure,i will give 10% of my inheritance to the church which i have decided even before now.I promise this.Please i just want you people to take things easy and i pray that no more harms will befall the church.

Please i want you to take very good care of yourself for me and my regards to Erico and the bishop.I shall be expecting good news from you when you come back from the head office.I shall be praying that they will not arrest you and bishop will recover the money they took back

How do I get through to this mugu? She even swallowed the Colostomy Corps! This is becoming something more than a gag. It’s becoming a scientific experiment in gauging the depths of her stupidity. (Incidentally, notice how she's leaping at the chance to offer Bishop Afarter part of the loot - as though it will ever arrive.)

Well, here goes:

Dear Cherish

As I told you, I was running the risk of arrest when I went to the military head office. They were waiting there for me to come, all ready with arrant and everything. They put me in a cell with three other people, one of whom was a member of the Colostomy Corps though the military did not know this. They thought he was a farmer, and I don’t know why they had arrested him. He was one of those who had come to the church on New Year’s Day. One of the others was just a thief but the third was someone I have known for a long time, he is a Twerp of the Plumbloco people of the plain. He and I talked for a time and he told me Enrico’s father, whom he knows slightly, died of elephantiasis of the psyche last year. Since his mother is a hopeless addict, as I said, of alyssamilano, he is now entirely the responsibility of CUPS, and we have to take great care of him.

You may be sure I did not waste my time in the cell. I spread the message of the Lord (praise him) to the others, even to the Colostomy Corps man, but he and the thief beat me up badly because they said I was talking too much. You can imagine the army did not let me off lightly either, they interrogated me and beat me further when I said I was not involved with anyone in the Colostomy Corps. When I got released you can see the state I was in when I returned to CUPS, late last evening. I am attaching the photo. 
My face was swollen so badly I look almost like a different person. All I could do was lie in bed with painkillers. Bishop Afarter returns tonight. I don’t know whether he has managed to get the remaining money back. I have not been able to talk to him even through an intermediary on the telephone. To be Frank he is likely to get very angry when he finds out what has happened to me, but he can’t do much, poor man. All the authorities will do is threaten to withdraw CUPS’ permit to operate, and then we would have to stop all operations (and autopsies too).

I’ll pass on to the Bishop your most kind offer. I of course will have to tell him something of your situation and of your desire to live here with me. I must also, only if you agree naturally, give him your e-mail address so he can talk directly to you. The Bishop can be very conscientious sometimes. We call him the Hooker in tribute to his extreme morality and conscientiousness. 

I hope and pray to the Lord (praise him) that I recover soon from these injuries. I think I may have suffered permanent damage to my heathledger.

With love
Next stop: Enter Bishop Afarter.


Dear  BJ,
how are you doing today? i hope by his grace you are geting better. dear i real cried when i saw your picture i dont know why those people are so wicked. Have you gone to hospital to treat your self?. I wish am dear to take care of you. please send my greeting to the Bishop and everybody over dear. I will stop hear but i will love to hear how you are doing. please do take care of your self.

Oh did she cry? How many more tears d'you think i can make her shed - for real this time? Let's see as the time goes by...

Incidentally, just suppose I was telling the truth. What woman in her right mind would still want to move in with me, crossing half the world to do so?

Dear Cherish

Thank you so much for your concern. Yes, I did go to the hospital. They X rayed my face and back and today I went back there to talk to the radio operator. He said that the heathledger of my back is, as he put it, “broke”. He showed me the X ray of the broken part of my back. It looked almost like a mountain, he said, but he thinks he’s a bit of a Joker. Fortunately I am still able to get around though my face is now blue with lagoon bruises. I also have to wear shields for a while on my brooke.

The Bishop came back and was naturally upset. He managed to gather some little money in the capital from well-wishers and a little more from river-wishers but as far as the money that was impounded by the Army goes, well, the government just told him it was “evidence” – evidence for what they chose not to tell him of course. I wonder if I or anyone else from CUPS is in for more trouble from them.

In the meantime at least we can do something for Enrico, his tenor has worsened to the point of baritone. Before he basses we have to get the surgery done, but of course the arrangements have to be made with the doctors. It is a Major operation after all, not a noncom surgery.

Bishop Afarter will be here for the time being. He is thinking in terms of holding a fete to raise funds again for the church. I have told him a little about you. Will you email him directly or should I tell him your email and let him contact you? I suggest the latter because he’s really a stiff-necked old man, a veritable Hooker. Please let me know. Once you and he get talking you can explain all details to him.

In the meantime I am healing. Please don’t worry about me. I have enough on my plate to keep me busy.



Cherish sent me this yesterday, I suppose, from the reference to the church service. I got it today:

Dearest BJ,
How are doing today hope you are getting better. How was serves today?. Dear you should go ahead and explain everything i have told you to Bishop and if he have any question to ask you can give him my email.Please do tell him that if he can help me out of here that i am going to use part of the money for the work of God. Please do take care of your self and send my greetings to every body over there.
Yours Cherish.

Dear Cherish

The broken heathledger in my back is still giving me a lot of trouble, and the skin above it is mottled black and grey, in a pattern the Joker radio operator said was a sign of Batman’s Injury. Anyway, let that be. Given a little time I’ll be all right.

I suppose the service yesterday was good; I was not here at CUPS to attend it. We have as one of our projects the collection of milk from rural farmers and getting it to the Andromeda dairy in the city. This milk run is conducted by a hired Proxima Centauri truck which has to be accompanied on the milky way by someone from CUPS to make sure everything goes all right. I was on the milk run yesterday and by the time I got back the service was over. In fact I did not even meet the Bishop yesterday because he had gone to Guantanamo after the service for additional servicing of the intimates. But I met him today and I told him more about you. He will be contacting you himself of course, probably today, and I think he will be handling all the legal aspects as well. 

I must be giving you the impression that I am so immersed in my troubles that I have forgotten yours. I assure you that I have not. I would like to know how you are and if you have enough to eat. If you send me your address in the refugee camp I’ll send you by post some clothes and things. I assume you need them.



I wanted to see how she would weasel out of providing her address. You must admit she thought of a good one (not too good to be proof against me, naturally, but I’ll respond to it in a day or two. BJ is a busy boy, you know):

Good day my dearest BJ,

How is your health today?I pray God you are getting more better.By the grace of God,i am fine today.I am sorry also you were not at the church yesterday but you also was still doing the service of God.To God alone be the glory and honour my dear.
Thanks again for making the Bishop away of the whole thing.I shall be waiting for his mail and whatever he says,i shall let you know.
As to the gift,i do appriciate but like i told you,the most important thing for me is getting me out of here.That is to say,i need that something be done to enable the transfer be carried out and i can be able to leave here.Sending me gift is good but if you send gift,it will be shared amoungest everybody at the camp.Please what you should do is if you can sell those things and send the money to me,it will help me alot and i will be using the money to buy whatever i can buy.So if is possible sell them and send the money to me.The most thing is need now is feeding well.So the money can help me to buy some food stuff and be feeding.Thanks again as i shall be waiting for the email of the Bishop.

And so here we go with Bishop Afarter making his first appearance. As I said before, Bishop Afarter’s messages will be underlined.

I believe Brian James, whom we all call BJ, has told you about me. I am the Bishop in charge of the local (Mandalay) branch of the Church of the United Profound Sepulchre. I have heard a little about you from BJ but did not understand him quite well. For one thing, I have had many other things on my mind in recent days. We have had a lot of problems here, as you may have heard. Besides, BJ is a very nice young man but when he gets excited his deafness and his speech impediment make it difficult to comprehend him. You do know that he suffers from Golddigger’s Syndrome?

I will expect you to email me at this address with a complete explanation of your circumstances, what assistance you want from us, and any other details I shall require you to provide. 

You ought to understand that my duties keep me very busy and it may take some days for me to respond to your emails. 

                                 Bishop I M Afarter 


So here we go again:

 Good evening Mr.BJ,

I am hoping you are ok today?Mine is fine here by the grace of God.

The Bishop contacted me today and below is the summary of the mail i sent to him.I forwarded to him my first email where i told you about my inheritance to him,the second mail too,i also forwarded the email from the bank to him,i also forwarded the mail where i told you i was going to look for a lawyer and the only mail remaining is the email from the lawyer which i told him i will go to the lawyer's office and ask him to forward to me so that i can forward it to him too.
So you can see below the new mail i sent to him and by the time i forward the mail from the lawyer to him,everything is settled.So whatever he says after reading those emails i shall still let you know but please follow it up from your side as he already told me he is always busy.Please do take very good care of yourself for me.

Mr BJ, am I now, and she’s Cherish Boma and no longer “your Cherish”; cute isn’t she? I wonder how many mugus take it in turn to be Cherish Boma?

Good evening daddy in the Lord,

How are you and the children of God under your care,i am hoping and praying you are in perfect health and the work of God is moving fine? To God be the glory for his mercies upon us here on earth.

Daddy,i am so happy writing you this mail though i dont know where and how to start.Honestly,Mr.BJ has told me alot about you and i am really looking foward to meet you one day if is the will of God because i always believe in the will and wish of God in everything i do.

Actually,i have know Mr.BJ for a little while now and i conacted him based on my conditions here and for him to assist me secure my life and inheritance in London.He already told me alot about himself and his conditions which was as a result of his service at the army and i am really sorry about that.He also told me about little boy Erico and his conditions also which i am praying for God's divine healing upon him and i am also looking foward to helping the little boy when i finally get my inheritance and also help in the work of God.

Daddy,i must say also i am very very sorry about what happened at the church.Mr.BJ also told me about the evil that enemies brought to the church.I just pray God to forgive them and make them repent of their evils.Our Lord Jesus suffered the same thing but at the end he asked the father to forgive them for they know not what they do.I believe if they know what they are involving themselves into,they wouldn't have not done that.But may God forgive them and make them repent of them and give their lives to Christ

Daddy,like i said earlier,i really do not know what and how to start because Mr.BJ and myself have being in constant commuinications and we have had alot of exchange of emails but i just forwarded the most important ones to you.
The only mail missing so far is the email from the lawyer to him and by tommorrow,i shall visit the lawyer's office and ask him to forward the email to me so that i can as well forward it to you.

I contacted him and he also made a contact to the bank and on the bank's email fowarded to you,you will see the requirements of the bank before the bank could transfer the fund to his account.This requirements resulted in looking for a lawyer here who will help us and get all the documents from the Federal court of Justice here in Dakar Senegal.When i contacted the lawyer here,he said i must ask Mr.BJ to contact him and when he contacted the lawyer,the lawyer said it will cost the sun of 2950 Euros to process the documents and Mr.BJ on this area said he cannot handle the payments that he will let you know about this.

When he told me about that,i told him is ok by me and then he said he will let you know and that you will contact me.So daddy,the main problem now is the 2950 Euros as the lawyer said we must have to pay him before he can process the documents.

So far is the main thing but if there is anything you wish to ask after reading the mails from me,the bank and the lawyers i forward to you,feel free to ask me.

Like i said,i am looking forward to meet you one day and may the peace of our Lord Jesus be with you and may God give you direction on how to guide his people.

I wish you heaven at last
Your little daughter
Cherish Boma

“Daddy in the Lord?" Yuck! I mean, seriously, that sounds disgusting. And if I had a daughter, I'd want someone more intelligent than her,anyway.

Dear Cherish

It’s nice to know that you contacted the Bishop. He has not been here for the past few days because of some problems in the villages where there has been an outbreak of coprophilia. He has himself had to go there because of the numbers of people coming down with it and because he has some medical training. In the meantime I have been left in charge of CUPS and it has been not too easy for me here either since it is not a simple place to run. I have had to deal with Mimsy Borogoves and Mome Raths from the local populace who say we have neglected them in favour of the Jabberwockies. 

I also had a call from one Lewis Carroll from Reuters who said he will be visiting us tomorrow and make a documentary article on us. If we are lucky this may draw the attention of donors so we may be able to get some money. As of now, since we are saving the money the Bishop raised from the creek-wishers for Enrico’s surgery, we have to manage our daily expenses on the income from larceny and promiscuity, both of which we do on a small scale. I assure you that running this place is not an easy job.

Enrico’s surgery is due for the end of the week. Dr Strangelove has said that he will operate according to Jack Ripper’s patented system. Let’s hope the boy will make a full recovery. The Lord (praise him) will be watching over us.

A couple of men came around trying to sell me some “gold coins” yesterday. I refused, of course. I would also ask you to beware of such people. There are so many scams around these days.

About the gifts I was talking about sending you: I can’t actually sell these things because they are not my property but belong to CUPS, and the constitution of CUPS forbids us from selling material for money (if you recall what Jesus said about the perfume as a response to Judas). Instead it enjoins us to benefit as many people as possible, even in a small way. So if you will give me your refugee camp address I shall arrange for the gifts to be sent by post. It will be of some use to you even if shared out.

Hope your knees are well. 



Let’s see if she mentions anything about the gold coins and the word “scam” well as what she says about the address of the refugee camp. I told you I would get her on that.


I’ve neglected Dear Cherish these last few months. The reason was a compendium of boredom – how much can one keep whipping a totally incompetent scammer? – plus a need to get on with more serious writing. Anyway, apparently she decided to cut her losses, with a last desperate attempt to scrape some money out of me.

Here’s her mail of the 17th March:

Hello dear,
I'm happy to inform you about my success in getting the fund transferred under the cooperation of a new partner from Paraguay. Presently i'm in Paraguay for investment projects with my own share of the total sum. Meanwhile, I didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how.
Now you will need to contact the Rev. Father Mike Ochua whom used to be like a father to me when i was in Dakar, His email address is as follows  : (  and his telephone number (+221-76-3494077) 
Ask him to send you a certified bank draft of $350.000:00 which I prepared and kept for your compensation for all the past efforts and attempts to assist me in this matter. I appreciated your efforts at that time very much. so feel free and get in touched with Rev. Father Mike and instruct him where to send you the money.
Please do let me know immediately you receive it so that we can share our joy after all the sufferings at that time. In the moment, I am very busy here because of the investment projects which me and the new partner are having at hand, finally, remember that I had forwarded instruction to Rev. Mike on your behalf to receive that money. Therefore feel free to get in touch with him and he will send the amount to you without delay. Take care and bye for now.
Yours truly,

I decided to let her know the truth, so I sent this reply:

My dear, dear, darling Cherish

I suppose it’s time to let you know the truth, or at least as much of the truth as I wish to let you know.

To begin with: I am not an idiot.

I realise that this is a difficult thing for you to comprehend, but the fact is that I knew from the outset that you were a scammer, and I played you along accordingly. You were so pathetically bad at this game that I doubt you could scam a child out of a toffee.

Next time, try to keep your story straight, and try not to sound so greedy. 

Obviously, I have no intention of falling into the very transparent trap you’ve set, of contacting your so-called Father Mike Ochua (isn’t this an obvious attempt to scrape some money, at least, out of me?). Your lot is so stupid that I’m losing interest. I mean, you people are really bad. You’re so bad that I’m ashamed to share the same species with you. You devalue the concept of the term “rational being”.

And – one more thing, Cherish dear (you’re obviously not a single person, something I could make out from the outset) I’d advise you to get someone who can actually speak English to set you right about the puns I’ve inflicted on you from the first mail onwards.

Also, perhaps I should thank you for all the laughs you and your incompetent group of mugus have afforded me and my friends.

Wishing you the worst of luck in future – in “Paraguay” (do you even know where that is?) and elsewhere, so long as you stick to this game.

                                                                 The man who was never BJ

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