Hijacking History and Winning Women

Amazing, all the things I did not know.

For example, jiminy whiz, I was ignorant that, among other things

- The Mayans, who I was unaware were still around in the late fifteenth century, performed human sacrifices and were stopped by the kindly, civilising influence of the conquistadores;

- That Thermopylae had been a glorious Greek victory, not a  bloody, stupid defeat.

 
- That the British burned colonists alive during the American Revolutionary War.

- It was the Americans who won World War II all by themselves, and that the German Enigma code was broken when a coding machine was captured by them along with a U Boat. For some reason I thought the British at Bletchley Park had broken the code after capturing U 110.

- That D Day was an American show, not much of a role for the British and French, and that the Russians sent men into combat unarmed;

- That Oskar Schindler was a philanthropic do-gooder who could not bear to see the pain of Jewish suffering, not an industrialist who used slave labour and who played a most minor part in the war, basically in order not to lose his slave labourers, and who saved a grand total ofeleven hundred Jews.

- That Vietnam was, well, maybe not quite a victory but not quite a defeat, at least not one that any patriot can call a defeat, since so many gooks were blown away by good honest freedom-lovin' ammunition;

- That the Munich Olympic massacre of 1972 was caused by terrorists murdering their hostages, not the criminal incompetence of German policemen whose wild shooting killed almost all the dead that day;

- That American soldiers in Somalia were actuated by feelings of brotherly love for the Somalis they were sent to help;

         

Undoubtedly, there are many more such that I am unaware of. But it’s my duty to be. After all, Apocalypso, The Patriot, U 571, The Longest Day, Schindler’s List, Enemy At The Gates, Blackhawk Down,Munich, or any of a myriad Vietnam films teach me history better than the encyclopaedias and other material invented by the “reality-based community.” Everyone else who loves freedom and would volunteer to be part of the battle against evil should join in. Hollywood is Democratic, not just democratic. Hollywood tells the truth.

Meanwhile, closer home…

Closer home, Bollywood says the ideal way to get a girl is to dog her steps, be obstreperous, trouble her every which way you can, make vulgar gestures at her, sing suggestive ditties, and she will at last be yours.

Closer home, Bollywood says the woman who is free and “loose” in the first half of a movie will become the quiet, domesticated Hausfrautowards the end.

And if she, horror of horrors, is not a virgin, it’s because she is the product of a broken home, and is fundamentally a good girl at heart. Marriage will redeem her in the end.

I believe in a world where one side is good

And victory over evil wins

I believe that the grass is blue

I believe that the sky is green

I believe all this, you know

‘Cause I saw it on the silver screen.   

I believe that does it.