Soft To The Core

I admit it.

Like half the world’s population, not necessarily all male, I like a dose of porn once in a while. However, once I've said that, let me qualify it a little.

I’ve rather gone off the hardcore stuff these last few years.

It’s so goddamn artificial that it isn’t even funny any more.

How many times can you be titillated by a performance so choreographed, so predictable, that you can predict exactly what’s going to happen three minutes before it does? It does get trying – by the second video you inflict on yourself. I mean, all that predictable groping and mouthing and those positions impossible in terms of comfort or pleasure but perfect for watching the (impeccably shaved for maximum visibility) genitals slide in and out of each other. That utterly preordained (unless you’re amnesiac, and maybe not then) sequence of oral sex – genital sex in woman on top position – genital sex doggy style – anal sex – genital sex woman sitting with her back to the man – man orgasming on woman’s breasts or skin. Bleh.  

No, I prefer the soft-core stuff (XX to those of you who prefer the X system of ratings). There’s at least some kind of an attempt, however farcical, at a story, after all. Some of these stories are so far-fetched they get more entertaining than the nudity itself…

Young reporter, for instance, female and presentable (but of course!) finds herself traipsing around the South American jungle, fending off anacondas and leopards (leopards?) while chimpanzees (chimpanzees?) leer at her from the bushes. She is then abducted by a long lost cannibal tribe and, uh, well, you can imagine what happens after that.

Or, and this genre is especially hilarious, the aliens land to conduct research earth sexual mores – seems as they’ve forgotten how to do it themselves and their population is collapsing. Somehow, they never ever land in that land of licentiousness and free sex, Saudi Arabia, or any of its cognates. Nor do they land in places like India where people are having the most babies, and, therefore, would be having the mostproductive sex. No.

They always, wow, always, land where people screw leaving the windows open so they can look in to their heart's (or whatever's) content. They then proceed to take the form of nubile young women to check things out for themselves. And so on…the funniest part of this is how often the “alien” women create human female bodies complete with navel rings and bikini tan lines. Awesome!

Well, at least the (simulated) softcore sex is (slightly) more natural looking than the real sex of the hardcore/XXX world. And the women don't wear those awful stilettos with clean soles to bed, either.

Don’t I wish I knew, though how the men manage to keep it outside in that position and at that time…