This blog contains material I wrote and posted on between the years 2005 and 2011 only. It does not contain any new material. For newer writing, please check my main blog (Bill the Butcher).

Saturday, 24 November 2012

The Vagina NoNoLogue

A friend (isn’t it wonderful how much strange information comes my way from friends?) reports this experience:

She had a visitor, a Bunglee female, who happens to be 24 years old. This young woman (who, let me make haste to explain, is not a mental defective) saw her box of tampons, and, never having seen such a thing before, enquired what it was.

My friend explained the function, whereupon the Bunglee blanched and asked how a huge thing like a tampon could possibly enter a vagina. My friend then made what might have been an error: she said that the tampon was far smaller than an erect penis.

Ms Bunglee said dismissively that a penis was a small thing, and it couldn’t possibly compete with a tampon. My friend, beginning I suspect to wonder at what exactly was going on inside her visitor’s head, explained that a penis, um, erected, and, uh, enlarged…and that a baby, which is rather larger than a penis, emerged by the same route as the penis went in.

Upon receipt of this information, Ms Bunglee began to cry her heart out. Never, she declared, would she ever have sex, let alone birth a baby. Never.

Let me repeat that this woman is 24 years old.

I wish I could say this was a made-up story, but in a country where sex education is officially banned by the government because it’s “against Indian culture”, no amount of ignorance surprises me any more.


A friend’s daughter reports this experience: 

A friend of hers (a teenager like her) has another friend. This friend of a friend (I don’t know her name but for convenience’s sake let’s call her FF) claimed to have had sex with her boyfriend, who used a condom on FF’s insistence. Apparently, the experience proved so underwhelming for the boyfriend that he pulled out midway through the act...leaving the condom behind.

I know, I know. But I’m not finished yet, so please read on just a bit more.

This FF allegedly walked around with the condom inside her vagina forthree days before – unable to take the pain while urinating – she went to a doctor, who removed it.

All right, if you’ve stopped laughing, let’s think about what she said.

Obviously, of course, FF’s story is made out of whole cloth, and the friend’s daughter openly told her to her face that she’d never had sex with or without a condom. But that’s not important. Teenagers always have told lies about sex and always will.

What’s important is that an educated teenager obviously believes that

1.    Condoms can be left behind inside the vagina after intercourse;
2.    Condoms, if left behind, can’t be quickly and easily removed;
3.    And, most importantly, this girl (an upper-middle-class young female with an above-average education) seems to believe that a woman urinates through her vagina.

Can you imagine the depths of ignorance this reveals? And it’s hardly as though this girl is unique. There are women – educated, mature, sexually active women – who literally do not know that they pee through a different aperture than the one they use to have sex.

And this is, as I’ve pointed out ad nauseam in the past, not just the land of the Kama Sutra but also a nation where the government has officially stated that sex education is not required because it 

1.    Goes against “Indian culture” and
2.    Sex comes naturally and does not have to be taught.

We card-carrying anti-Indian traitors never ever had it quite so good!

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