This blog contains material I wrote and posted on between the years 2005 and 2011 only. It does not contain any new material. For newer writing, please check my main blog (Bill the Butcher).

Sunday, 25 November 2012

Open Letter to Indians: 26 November 2009

My dear fellow citizens

As a card-carrying traitor, who has no problems at all identifying himself as such, I have a few things to say to you, today, the first anniversary of the dastardly terrorist attacks on your beloved city of Bombay:

First, as I said, I’m a traitor. Therefore, you’re free to ignore anything and everything I say, because, as I admit right away, everything I say is going to be geared to only one end: to make things as bad as possible for you. I am, after all, an enemy of the nation.

However, I’m probably going to surprise and gladden you with what I have to say, which is: you’re on the right track. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. For instance:

This is, as I said, the first anniversary of the attacks on Mumbai. I’m very glad to see that so many of you have been on candlelight vigils and so on against terrorism. I’m sure you know that candlelight vigils and so on are real weapons against terrorists; they make them shake in their shoes.

Therefore, from now on, please ensure that you respond with candlelight vigils and by setting up Orkut communities and so on against terrorism. You’ll feel you’re doing something effective and worthwhile, and the media will have an additional story to take peoples’ minds off the misery of their daily lives. Isn’t that good?

Also, as you probably know, this being the anniversary of the attack, please ensure the maximum level of security. Terrorists are abysmally stupid; they can only strike on anniversaries and at the same targets, in the same way, as they did last time. Therefore, they will sail in from the sea, specifically on these days, to attack the same “iconic” targets as they did last time. They will not wait a while and strike at some other target once the heat is off. So please report any boats you see, even if they only contain fishermen, to the nearest policeman and call them terrorists. What if some miserable fishermen get arrested and beaten up? You’ve done your bit in the War on Terror.

Oh, and, also remember that this attack was significant for only one reason: it was directed at Bombay, your own beloved Mumbai, even if you’ve never set eyes on the place and never will. If it had been some miserable Eastern Indian city, for instance, that had been attacked, or tribespeople in some village in the forest, you’d never have any reason to bother. So what if those jungle bunnies die? They aren’t People Like Us. Just as in Bombay, it was the foreigners and other People Like Us at the Leopold  Cafe and the Taj Mahal Hotel who were killed who mattered. The 52 people who were waiting for a train at the Victoria Terminus weren't quite so important. They weren't People Like Us.

Don't be ashamed of that. It's quite all right to feel that way.

Also, remember that all terrorists are evil. They’re evildoers, as George W Bush said, the same George W Bush whom every Indian has a duty to love. They never do something as a response to something you might have done; no. The attacks – the several, multiple, repeated attacks – on your beloved Bombay weren’t blowback from actions taken by this country at various places and times, no. They were because India, and much more than India, your Beloved Bombay is good, teeming slums and hideous income disparities, lack of infrastructure and fascist Shiv Sena thugs and all. You deserve homage from the rest of the nation, nay, the world; you don’t owe anything in return. Please don’t feel guilty about this.

I, the Card-Carrying Traitor, have spoken. You’re on the right track, my friends; do exactly as you’re doing, and everything shall assuredly be all right.

                                                          Signed, Bill the Butcher.

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