This blog contains material I wrote and posted on between the years 2005 and 2011 only. It does not contain any new material. For newer writing, please check my main blog (Bill the Butcher).

Friday, 12 October 2012

Sex Story

“...the females of this species,” continued the Explorer, “have a sexual opening between their nether extremities, what they call ‘legs’. The males, on the other hand, have a proboscis situated in the same position. When they wish to have sexual relations, the male inserts this proboscis into the female’s sexual opening and releases –“

The armour-plated skin of the Overlord’s face shifted in disgust. “Is this really necessary?” he asked.

“This method,” the 
Explorer went on remorselessly, “though common to almost all of the planet’s higher animal life, has reached its nadir, as we would say, in this dominant species. It’s transcended the original purpose of reproduction and become an end in itself.” He shuddered formally in order to convey his revulsion at what he was about to say. “They indulge in it...for pleasure.”

“That’s disgusting!” The Overlord’s First Mate, swollen with child, shuddered in her turn, not as a formality but because she was genuinely distressed at the thought. “Aren’t they ashamed of it?”

“No,” said the Explorer apologetically. “But some of them don’t even tell their young juveniles about it – they make up stories about avians with long keratinous facial proboscises leaving the juveniles, or even more fantastic tales; but among the adults they’ve made an entire industry out of it. Several industries, as it happens, catering to a multitude of their utterly depraved tastes. For instance, some of these females make a living by allowing males to insert their proboscises into their sexual openings in return for units of the prevailing medium of exchange. Sometimes this activity is recorded on audiovisual media for the entertainment of others of the species.”

“Horrible!” exclaimed the First Mate.

Fascinated despite himself, the Overlord leaned forward over his opulent table. “How do these creatures reproduce anyway?” he asked. “What is the mechanism?”

“I scarcely presume to tell of it,” the Explorer replied, with an apologetic flip of his upper tail in the direction of the First Mate. “But once the male inserts his proboscis into the female’s sexual opening, he deposits his sex cells inside, and these may fuse with the female’s cells to produce the offspring. The female nourishes the offspring to term by means of a shared blood supply, and when the offspring have reached term, she expels it or them – there is usually only one – through the sexual opening.”

“That’s all she does?” asked the First Mate incredulously. “She just pushes it out when she’s done?” She shuddered, her skin plates clattering with the force of her emotion. “How can the maternal instinct be so lacking?” she asked the world, plaintively.

“She does secrete a white fluid from milk glands on her upper body,” the Explorer said, “and this nourishes her offspring for a while. And then she does provide a limited amount of care. But nothing to the sacrifices our ladies make, of course.”

“I should think not!” snapped the First Mate. “Oh, how sweet is the pain I await when my litter begins gnawing me alive from the inside! What rapturous agony as they eat me to a hollow shell and break out at last, leaving of me nothing but an empty husk, yet active and independent as I can make them! What can these horrible creatures of yours know in comparison to that bliss?”

“I take it,” the Overlord said, “that these creatures do not produce offspring each time they indulge their perverted sexual tastes?”

“No,” the Explorer said. “They use various barriers and chemicals to prevent that happening, of course. Sometimes they even remove developing offspring from the female’s body before term, in order to spare her the joys of motherhood. You can scarcely expect better of such creatures.”

Moaning, the First Mate covered her ear apertures and swayed from side to side, displaying her absolute refusal to listen any further.

“I’ve heard enough.” The Overlord arose and took up his ceremonial Greatsword from the rack behind his head. He clanged an alarm, and a menial poked its genderless head through the window. “Ask my Despots to meet me at once and send word to prepare the war fleet for launching to orbit,” he told it. The menial disappeared.

“You’re about to attack that planet?” asked the Explorer disinterestedly. “What for? It’s only a worthless ball of mud and water. I really only told you the conditions there to entertain you.”

“Such a centre of immorality and evil cannot be allowed to contaminate the galaxy,” said the Overlord. He clapped the explorer on the shoulder. “It’s a Crusade, really, but if you want to be ethical about it then think of it this way: these creatures of yours must be suffering endlessly, with their twisted sexual mores and their lack of all maternal instincts.

“Yes,” he said, happily, “we’ll be doing them a favour by wiping them off the face of the universe!”

Copyright B Purkayastha 2009

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