This blog contains material I wrote and posted on between the years 2005 and 2011 only. It does not contain any new material. For newer writing, please check my main blog (Bill the Butcher).

Friday, 12 October 2012

Some Thoughts for the 21st Century

If the chickens come home to roost…wring their necks and make chicken soup.
As you sow, so shall you reap. At least, what global warming related droughts and pesticide resistant insects have left untouched.
If life hands you lemons, wash carefully before cutting to remove pesticide residues.
Guns don’t kill people. People pointing loaded guns at others and pulling the triggers kill people. Solution: give everyone guns, but remove the triggers.
Look a gift horse in the mouth, but make sure the animal doesn’t bite your fingers off.
I never met a man I didn’t like…as a candidate for a career as a crash test dummy.
Put your wife on a pedestal. From her vantage point, she’ll be able to dust the shelves better.
If someone smite you on the right cheek, turn the other cheek. But make sure you have witnesses and then sue the pants off the bastard. 
Do not covet thy neighbour's ass. Let him bankrupt himself buying fodder for it.
Share and share alike. Give thy brother thy angina and diabetes and share in his stock portfolio.
If God made the world, shouldn't we ask to see his engineering degree certificate?

 A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush - so long as it's not suffering from avian 'flu.

 Nothing is so inevitable as death but taxes. Unless, of course, you're an American who is rich enough  for the  government to forgive all your taxes.

No comments:

Post a Comment