This blog contains material I wrote and posted on between the years 2005 and 2011 only. It does not contain any new material. For newer writing, please check my main blog (Bill the Butcher).

Thursday, 11 October 2012

A Dose of Pain

“I don’t know why you want to see her.” A blink, of the eyes, a tiny shake of the head, as if to say, you get all sorts. “It’s not as though you’re a friend of the family or something.”

“Yes, well, we used to know each other.” Once upon a time.

A sniff. “I don’t know as that’s good enough.”

“How is she taking it?”

“How do you expect she is taking it? Badly, that’s how she’s taking it.”

“Well...I’d still like to meet her.”

“Why? She’s just lost her son. And especially like that...”

“I know that. I still want to meet her. Just for a minute. Please.”

“I’ll see. I’ll ask if she will see you.”

“She will. You ask. I know she will see me.”


“Hi.” A smile, a tiny nod.

“Hello. How are you doing?”

“As well as I could expect. Thanks for coming. It’s been a long time.”

“’s been a long time. But when I heard the news –“

“I know, you could not stay away.”

A silence falls, a silence brief and loaded.

“How could he have done it? What did I ever do to him? That’s what I want to know.”

“It’s not your fault. You shouldn’t blame yourself.”

“Then whom should I blame? You?”

“Do you blame me?”

“No. I don’t blame you. Why should I blame you?”

“You know why.”

“I do? No, I don’t. No more than I know why you should have suddenly decided to come here when you got the news.”

“How could I have not come? He was my son too.”

“You remembered that now? What happened all these years?”

“You do blame me.”

“Yes I do. No, I don’t. Not really. I chose to have him.”

“And did he blame me?”

She rises. “I think you’d better go now.”

“Just answer this one question. Please. Did he blame me?”

“How do I know? He didn’t know about you!”

A pause, stretched to the limit of pain. “I’m going.”

“Yes, go, please go. Why did you ever come?”

“I wish I hadn’t.”

“I wish you hadn’t. It’s a strange world, isn’t it?”


“Because you wouldn’t have come but for this. And now you’re going, and we shan’t meet again.”

“Probably not.”



“I’m glad you came, really I am. It’s just that it’s too much for me to handle.”

“I know.”

“You will come again, won’t you?”

“Yes. Sometime.”

“No, you won’t. That’s all right, too.”

“I’ll come again.”

“No, don’t. Please. Let this chapter be done and over with. We’ll both move on.”

“All right. If that’s what you want.”

“Listen...before you go.”


“He always wanted to know about you.”

Copyright B Purkayastha 2009


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